Why Do Our Kids Continue To Text And Drive?

Why can our kids not stop texting and driving?

I spend a good amount of time on the road and I am continuously shocked by how many young people are driving down the highway with both hands on their phone and their eyes staring squarely down at their phone. This, in spite of a massive campaign against distracted driving and a collective conscience which agrees this is a miserable idea. My guess is that most of them either know someone or know of someone who has been in an accident caused by distracted driving. Yet an incredible number continue to text and drive. Why?

We have programmed them that way

I cannot help but think this is the result of an overdeveloped need for immediate gratification and an unquenchable thirst for positive affirmation.

For years, we’ve told ourselves and we’ve told our children, “You don’t have to wait. You can have it now.” It’s not just microwave ovens and Jimmy Johns that have promoted this myth. It’s credit cards, sales that last “one day only”, sub-prime loans, TiVo, made-for-TV pressure cookers, and even fast passes at Disney. Listen to any protest march. Regardless of what they are fighting for, part of their war chant is always, “When do we want it? NOW!” We’ve lost hold of the truth that “anything worth having is worth waiting for.”

Is it any surprise, then, that we cannot wait to check our cell phones. We want that message, and we want it now!

Further, we’ve created in our children and in ourselves an affirmation addiction. We stopped declaring winners and losers in athletic contests because we wanted everyone to “feel” good about their performance. We crave the dopamine hit that results from getting a like or share on Facebook. We are creating “safe spaces” at Universities for students who need to hide from challenging or frightening ideas. Remember when we used to say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” We actually believed that was a true statement. Now it’s considered insensitive and hurtful. Only a cretan would be willing to admit they think it’s true that “words can never hurt me.”

By feeding this craving for affirmation, we’ve become people who cannot even drive down the road for a few minutes without receiving affirmation from a snapchat, text, retweet or like. We must constantly check our phones to see who is giving us positive affirmation right now. If you aren’t sure about this, find a place where people stand in line. Just watch and count the phones.

How do we stop texting and driving?

The solution is NOT more billboards, commercials or school assemblies. Ironically, the solution will also not come quickly. All good things are worth waiting for, and most of the time, they require waiting.

We must begin to teach our children that they are not as important as they think they are. We must be willing to say things like, “That’s not really a problem.” and (even harder), “I guess that wasn’t good enough. You’ll have to try harder next time.”

We must stop the gravy train. Nothing in life is free (despite what every political candidate tells us) and it is that very lie which encourages our appetite for immediate gratification. Delay purchases. Choose contentment over accumulation. Say, “no” sometimes to your children (or at the very least say, “not now”).

People who don’t text and drive have two characteristics.

1) They can wait to see what their phone has to say to them.
2) They don’t find their self-worth from a touchscreen.

Maybe if we start there, we can fix the problem.

God is not the author of evil, but He is the editor!

Several years ago I made the statement that "Everything we have is a gift from God." I went on to suggest that even our life life's circumstances (good and bad) are a gift from God. Later, I received a super kind email asking if I would explain that concept a little more. I think this is a pretty common issue that people wrestle with, so here are some excerpts from my answer to him.

Please understand that I am NOT writing this as an ivory tower theologian or as a behind-the-pulpit preacher. I am a fellow pilgrim who has seen the swamp of despair and has endured the abuse of Vanity city. I have days when I am certain God has given me a burden better suited for someone else, and yet those same days are often marked by unmistakable interventions of his gracious provision. My life's journey is not resolved. In fact, it is decidedly unresolved and often I would be happy to give back the "gifts" God has deemed me worthy to receive....

Do I really believe that EVERYTHING is a gift from God? Am I saying that God is the author of evil?

I am absolutely not excusing the terrible actions of sinful people. Much of the suffering in our world is a direct result of terrible decisions being made by sinful people. However, while I believe God hates the pain which is present in our world, I don't think that sin or the suffering it causes is surprising to God nor does it worry Him. I might not use the words "God caused it", but I am comfortable saying God is "in control" of it.

I look at James 1 as one of the passages which really inform my perspective on this issue. I believe that the "good and perfect" gifts of James 1:17 are likely the trials of verse 2 (which lead to perseverance and completeness).

Like much of life, trials are best understood in the rear view mirror. Today's life circumstances may not feel like a gift, but for those who faithfully endure, a fuller understanding of God’s goodness is waiting.

Joseph is a great example of this truth. I'm sure there were many points when his life situation didn't feel like a gift. However, when he saved his family's lives, he gained a completely new perspective on his past suffering.

I know you may deal with suffering and pain that is likely far beyond what Joseph did. I hate that. I think God hates that. I know He hates the sin that has caused that. Yet, I have full confidence that He is capable of intervening (beyond what we could imagine), and that He will use life's darkest moments to bring glory to Himself and in so doing allow us to experience resolution and wholeness (in this life or the next).

God is not the author of evil, but He is the editor!

Be Honest. Be Content.

PROVERBS 30:7-9
Two things I ask of you;
deny them not to me before I die:
Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
lest I be full and deny you
and say, “Who is the Lord?”
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God.

Here is a simple summary:

1) Be Honest.
2) Be Content.

These verses require some meditation. Pursuing honesty and contentment can be a lifelong pursuit in which you may always improve but will never arrive.

Chew on this throughout your day. In your conversations with others, seek to be open, authentic, and truthful. When you compare yourself with others, choose to be content with what you have rather than desiring what is theirs.

Rinse and repeat.

Work Always Trumps Worry

PROVERBS 28:1
“The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion.”
‭‭
Why would anyone run away if no one is chasing them?
Because they are worried someone might start chasing them.

Everyone worries about something, and when we worry we do weird stuff. 

What if I don't make enough money?
What if I don't save enough money?
What if I don't get a promotion?
What if I don't close the deal?
What if my wife stops loving me?
What if my husband finds someone one else?
What if my children don't excel?
What if I miss out on something?
What if I get sick?
What if it snows?
What if people don't like me?

Ironically, the majority of problems which cause us worry never come true. Earl Nightingale suggested that 40% of things you worry about will never occur and 30% of the things you worry about cannot be changed anyway. You may or may not get sick, but all the worry in the world won’t change it. Your children may or may not make mistakes (actually, they will make mistakes!) but all the worry in the world won’t change it.

In Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the fictional character, Newt Scamander, says, “Worrying means you suffer twice”. While not a word for word quote, he’s borrowing from the ancient stoic Seneca who said, “The man that suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than it is necessary
In any given moment of time, you can be worrying about problems or working on solutions.”.

Both make the same point. Worry doesn’t change anything.

However, work changes everything. You can spend your time worrying about problems outside your control or you can spend your time working on solutions within your control.

You can worry about what people think about you or you can work on becoming a person of integrity.

You can worry about what people say about you or you can work on always using your words to build others up.

You can worry about whether or not you’ll get sick or you can work on developing a healthy lifestyle.

You get the point. You cannot control everything happening around you. You cannot control the people around you. So don’t worry about them.

You can always control what you do. You can always control what you say. You can always control where you go. You can always control the perspective you choose. You can always work toward solutions.

The next time you find yourself worrying, ask a simple question. "What can I be working on?"

Much has changed in the past 15 years, but much is still the same

I have been blogging for a very long time. Much has changed over the past two decades, but some things are still very much the same.

Check out this blog post from 15 years ago (note that one of the big changes is that I now employ traditional capitalization rules):

there is a high level of dissatisfaction in our world today:

- toward the government
- toward the oppressive upper class
- toward the tsunami
- toward Duke basketball
- toward corporate America
- toward terrorism
- toward me
- toward the evangelical church
- toward the emergent church
- toward the eggshell white church

the result of the malcontentedness has been a great upheaval of structures and the proliferation of all types of new movements.

of course, it is human nature to react against things that outrage us. when we observe inequity or any other type of "wrong" we typically:

1) acknowledge our tension with said situation
2) evaluate our ability to change said situation
3) enact a plan to either change said situation or trumpet the evil...

of course, those in power focus their attention on #2 and those who are not empowered focus their attention on #3.

the result is a loud disempowered group. they may be the majority or the minority, but their lack of ability to enact change causes them to trumpet their dissatisfaction even loudlier.

of course, over time the volume of protest breaks down the walls of power, and enough of a majority is convinced of enough of the truth of the disempowered minority to shift the balance of power.

You Are Who You Meet

PROVERBS 22:24-25
Make no friendship with a man given to anger,
nor go with a wrathful man,
lest you learn his ways
and entangle yourself in a snare.

Friends are great. Many times our friends become closer than family. Our friends laugh with us, care for us, and shape us. You've probably heard the expression that all of us are the average of the five people with whom we spend the most amount of time.

Sometimes our friends shape us toward joy. When we are with them, their high spirits are contagious. They are full of encouragement, always speaking well of everyone else, and always seeing the positives in every situation.

But sometimes, our friends shape us in a darker direction. We began to adopt their proclivity for complaining. The criticisms they aim at everyone else become a weapon in our arsenal as well. Being with them leads us to see problems and persecution everywhere.

If the people around you encourage anger in you, find a new group of friends. Their negativity is a trap. They'll snare you with gossip and eventually lead you into depression and despair.

Find friends who lift you up and lift others up. Surround yourself with people who see the best in you and in those around you. You are what you eat and you are like those with whom you meet.

So avoid those who gather to conspire, and instead meet up with people who inspire.

You are being shaped by the people around you

PROVERBS 14:7

“Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge.”

Sometimes I watch my children and see myself in them. Sometimes I see their mother in them. They have spent the majority of their lives with us. For now, no one has influenced them more than we have. Now that they are out of the house that is beginning to change, because they are no longer spending time with us and now they are spending time with others.

The people you spend time with influence the person you are and person you will become. You will begin using similar language to those with whom you spend the most amount of time. You will begin to have the same attitude as those with whom you spend the most amount of time. You will begin to behave like those with whom you spend the most amount of time.

Proverbs 14 warns you to leave the presence of a fool because they will not help you learn. I can think of a few other dangers which arise when we spend too much time with the wrong influencers.

When we are around critical people, we become more critical.
When we are around materialistic people, we become more materialistic.
When we are around course people, we become more course.
When we are around apathetic people, we become more apathetic.

Or course, the reverse is also true.

When we are around gracious people, we become more gracious.
When we are around content people, we become more content.
When we are around kind people, we become more kind.
When we are around hard-working people, we become more hard-working.

You cannot always choose the people who are around you, but you can choose which people influence you. Choose wisely my friends!

Failing Doesn't Make You A Failure

It's Monday.

The majority of Americans have already failed at keeping their New Year's resolutions. Perhaps you are among that number. Or perhaps you have failed at something else. We all have.

Failing doesn't make you a failure.

You failed in the past. Leave it there. You cannot change the past and you cannot control the past. The past is set in stone. Don't let something you cannot control seize control of you. Don't be controlled by the past.



You can control the present. Choose today to seize the opportunities which come your way. Apply wisdom to every possibility. Speak truthfully and graciously. Look for the best in people and situations. Focus on solutions instead of obstacles.

Your future will be determined by your present unless you allow yourself to be controlled by your past. So you failed. Learn from it and let it go.

Yesterday is gone, it died when you went to sleep. The Son has risen, and so has the sun. Resurrection happens every day and brings with it fresh and new potential. Today is a new day, with new opportunities. Feel free to fail, but don't let yourself become a failure.

Hey Everybody! Let’s stop talking about impeachment

Almost everyone has something to say about impeachment. Very few people are still forming an opinion, yet very many people are vigorously trying to change everyone else’s opinion.

I think it is time to stop talking about impeachment. In fact, I think it would do all of us a great amount of good if as many people as possible committed to not talk about impeachment at all for the next 30 days. Not only would we have fewer arguments and hurt feelings, we would all be a little bit happier I think.

Consider first, these three reasons why there is no reason for you to talk about impeachment. Then, I’ll suggest ten things more important than talking about impeachment.

THREE REASONS YOU DON’T NEED TO TALK ABOUT IMPEACHMENT

1. No matter how much you talk about impeachment, you aren’t going to change anyone’s mind.
2. No matter how much you talk about impeachment, you aren’t going to change what the House or the Senate does next.
3. No matter how much you talk about impeachment, you aren’t going to change the final outcome.

Regardless of whether you are a part of Trump’s America or are a Never-Trumper, you aren’t going to change anything by continuing to talk about impeachment. You are going to get more frustrated, you are going to make others more frustrated, and you are going to create a further divide between you and those with whom you disagree. But you are not going to change anything.

So, instead of talking about impeachment, consider these more important pursuits.

TEN THINGS MORE IMPORTANT THAN IMPEACHMENT

1. Christmas cookies. You can never have too many Christmas cookies, so when you feel the urge to talk about impeachment, make a batch of Christmas cookies instead.
2. Common Courtesy. If you don’t know what courtesy is, google it. You can make your world a better place by smiling at others, holding doors, saying “please”, “thank you”, and “I’m sorry” and by patiently waiting in line.
3. Silence. Silence really is golden. When you choose silence, you have the opportunity to listen to others and learn from them. At the very least, you have a moment to observe what is going on around you and you can learn to appreciate the intricacies and goodness of the world in which we live. Since talking about impeachment only leads to problems, choose silence instead.
4. Cleaning up. Nobody has a spotless house. We all have that one room or hallway that needs attention. Next time you have a hankering to talk about impeachment, go spend fifteen minutes cleaning up instead.
5. Your neighbors. Most people either don’t know their neighbors well or don’t know their neighbors at all. Don’t go talk to your neighbors about impeachment, but do bring them a batch of those Christmas cookies you made. You will make your world a little sweeter and you might make a new life-long friend.
6. Family hugs. Whether it’s your children, parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews, nieces, or crazy uncles; most people need a hug. Make it your commitment throughout the holiday season to be generous with hugs and stingy with political opinions.
7. High Fives. For those who are uncomfortable wit hugs, rewrite the previous point inserting “high fives” in place of “hugs”.
8. Your car’s tires. Winter is coming. The roads are likely to be a little more slippery. Even if you have a four wheel drive vehicle, you still need good tires. Four wheel drive becomes four wheel slide on a patch of icy road. Every time you sense a conversation about impeachment coming on, walk outside or to the garage and check your tires for proper inflation and tread (YouTube can teach you how to use a penny to check your tires).
9. Coworkers. You need the people you work with to be on their game. If they are not hitting on all cylinders, neither will you. Why would you want to drive a wedge between yourself and those you need in order to make a living. Don’t talk about impeachment at work. Just don’t.
10. Your sanity. That’s right. Your sanity is more important than impeachment. The morning after this whole thing is resolved, you will have to wake up and go on with your life. Very little will have changed. The degree to which you have made this issue important in your life will determine the degree to which you are devastated when it doesn’t end like you expect. It’s not important enough to lose your mind or your friends or your family over. Just don’t talk about it.

Thirty days from now, the impeachment drama will likely not be over, but the holidays will. Even if the propaganda and spin are still hurtling out of Washington at a record pace, you don’t have to be part of it.

Turn off the news and pick up a book. Put down social media and go out for coffee with a real-life friend. Stop liking and sharing posts and start sharing liking people and sharing joy.

Or just share this post. Let the world know to stop talking to you about i*********t.

Christmas Is For Everyone

PSALM 146:8-9

The Lord opens the eyes of the blind.

The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down;

the Lord loves the righteous.

The Lord watches over the sojourners;

he upholds the widow and the fatherless,

but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.

Why was Jesus born in a barn? Why did God choose to have Him be the child of blue-collar parents? Why were smelly shepherds the first to announce his arrival to their neighbors? Why did He grow up in Nazareth, the place from which “nothing good comes”?

I think God wanted to be certain everyone knew that Jesus was for everyone. No person and no class of persons were excluded.

• Jesus was for the Jew and the Gentile.
• Jesus was for women and men.
• Jesus was for servants and for kings.
• Jesus was for adults and for children.
• Jesus was for Red, Yellow, Black, and White.
• Jesus was for democrats and republicans.
• Jesus was for those who watch Fox News and MSNBC.
• Jesus was for immigrants and CEOs.
• Jesus was for shepherds and wise men.
• Jesus was for everyone.

So this Christmas, before you write someone else off because they look different than you, speak differently than you, or even vote differently than you. Baby Jesus came for everyone and Adult Jesus died for everyone.

If Jesus died for them, what does it mean for you to die to yourself for them?

Jesus' light pierced the darkness already, and soon will dispel it completely!

ROMANS 13:12
The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.

Sometimes, at night, I maneuver through the dark house using the light from my cellphone's flashlight. It isn't ideal, but it provides just enough light for me to get where I need to go. The light pierces the darkness but doesn't eliminate it. If I wasn't concerned with waking my family, I would simply flip a switch and turn on the lights in the hall or room where I am. Those lights don't just pierce the darkness, the dispell it. The darkness is eliminated.

At Christmas, Jesus pierced the darkness. He was the light that came into the world and showed us what we needed to get to where He wanted us to go. His life was our example, His death was our substitute, and His resurrection was our salvation. He showed us the way back to our Heavenly Father.

At His second coming, Jesus will not just pierce the darkness, He will dispell it. He will right all wrongs, He will make all things new, He will eliminate evil and its power.

Jesus is the light and if we are His, we are children of light. When He comes into our life, He ends a lifetime of darkness and empowers us to live a new life of light.

Therefore, let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light!